Mmmmmmm, the mimosa. Champagne and orange juice. My book shall be a quest to help people know them, and on the way we'll learn a few gems of wisdom I've picked up here and there as I share my somewhat twisted view of the planet.
- Mimosa Mama
Saturday
Does this ever happen to you?
It popped into my head that it would be great to own a piece of property with a creek running through it. A creek with a hole big enough to take a refreshing dip in on a hot day.
Then I thought it would be funny to name it Vaginal Creek, just so that you could say, on occasion, “I’m going to take a dip in the Vag.”
Then I fast forwarded to the day when There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Sunday
Eldon and I went to the movies yesterday, something I rarely do. I dread standing in line for anything, don’t like crowds, and want to smack your kids when they won’t shut up. I’d much rather wait until the DVD comes out and I can sit on my couch with a mimosa in hand to enjoy the show.
But one day, not too long ago, I got an email for a Groupon. You know about these? They are There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Wednesday
What’s in a name?
I was talking to a girl at work yesterday who is pregnant. Not just any pregnant, but one of those uber cute types of pregnant that makes you want to rub her belly.
Anyway, we got to talking about names, because it’s like against the law not to discuss the naming of the brat when you’re talking to pregnant chicks. She’s having a girl, and her name shall be There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Monday
You know what should be against the law? The stupid Lexus December to Remember commercials playing on January 1st. Have we not suffered enough?
Here’s what I would like to happen:
She wraps his phone for his gift, and calls it, so that the Lexus jingle plays. He gets all excited, knowing what that means, and runs for the door, all the while looking at the love of his life with disbelief There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Sunday
Tried a new champagne yesterday. A spendy one. Veuve Clicquot (pronounced Vuv Klee Coh’ as far as I can tell).
Veuve Cliquot is a French champagne, and not being a great fan of the French (mostly because they are snobby and try to force the rest of the planet to call their champagnes ‘sparkling wine’), it’s not something I intend to drink a lot of. Oh, ya, and it’s like a $70 bottle I caught on sale for $45, which is FAR outside of this working woman’s budget. I only bought it because There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
So, I’ve pulled my neck or upper back or something. I don’t know what I did. Fucked it up royal somehow.
It was hurting, then got better, so I got back on my Wii Fit a couple of days ago, and right in the middle of the triangle pose (yoga), I felt a knife behind my left shoulder blade, and I was stuck. Triangle pose is not a pretty place to be stuck.
At any rate, I can’t move There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Wednesday
Today I am struck by what a horrible woman I make. Not like bad person kind of horrible (you could successfully argue this point, but that’s not what I’m talkin’ bout here). Like there’s this whole culture of shit out there that I’m suppose to care about but don’t kind of horrible.
My wallet is falling apart. A wallet I bought on ebay.
I abhor shopping. Braving the weather, finding a parking spot, fighting the crowds, waiting in lines, the whole bit. So I find ebay a beautiful invention. I can sit in my jammies, without showering or brushing my teeth, and browse an almost infinite selection of exactly what I’m looking for, all the while drinking my coffee and waiting for my glorious wave to relieve me of yesterday’s chow and energize me for the day.
Plus, there’s some sort of sick thrill I get There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Monday
Ya, these Lexus commercials are really starting to piss me off. You know the ones. The wife gives the husband a box, or vice versa, and the box starts playing the Lexus jingle, and as they realize what that means the whole family goes running outside to see the new car he/she bought the other for Christmas.
You’ll think I’m jealous. Well, I’m not. Nothing would piss me off more than There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Saturday
Success in life does not come from holding a good hand, it comes from playing a bad hand well. – Dennis Waitley
I am lucky. People hate me for it.
As a race human beings are hard wired to resent a winner.
There are a couple of good reasons why I win with a considerable amount of frequency.
First, I play the odds.
I’m often asked to sell tickets of all kinds for fundraisers. I’m quite good at it. It’s really a skill born of a double whammy – I’m a pushy witch and There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »
Saturday
Before I piss off some of the finest people on the planet, let me say that I know some perfectly beautiful couples who share a facebook account, but it never ceases to annoy me. Here’s why.
When it is Jane John Smith’s birthday, do I say Happy Birthday to Jane? Or John? I never know There’s more, read the rest of this entry! »